Even after months from coming "home" from Africa, I still feel misplaced. Where is home? I find myself looking for some spiritual guidance as to where my life is supposed to be and where it is supposed to go. But, as I continue to get wrapped up in the American culture of school, fashion, and the desire to succeed, I only find myself continuously wandering into the unknown. Where is home? I have decided to commit my life to serving others. That is the only conclusion I have come to. I desire to be poor. I desire to find love in places where the ordinary American wouldn't even dare to search. I desire to make myself the least of these and be among those who are considered the least of these. I believe I will find Jesus in those places, and I believe I will find the real meaning of Christianity.
When I read the bible, one verse always sticks out to me in John. Jesus says "no one can get to father except through me." I want to get to the father so I have to go through Jesus. But how? THANKS to Jesus' time here on earth, I have a living example and a written documentary of his life. Actually 4 different documentaries. As I read and study Jesus, I find that he was in the places that no one else would be - hanging out with the hookers, gamblers, prisoners, and basically anyone whom society disassociated themselves with.
My greatest desire in life is to do that. I'm so held back and blinded by my own society of family and success. The "American Dream" still resonates in my life as I watch people grow, get a job, get married, live in house with a white-picket fence, have children, make a lot of money, grow old, and die. Part of me wants that too. God has called me to something different. Something I feel will make me live the humble life I desire to have. A life that will give me the things my heart desires and a life or service. I don't know how its going to happen and as a matter of fact, I myself am still confused about the whole thing. But, the nudging is stirring my heart to give everything up and trust him.
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2 comments:
great minds think alike ;-) You have such a beautiful heart becca. I love everything about you.
I second Lee's comment. You do have a beautiful heart, which I truly admire. I know God has HUGE plans for you, and I am so excited to see how it unfolds.
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