getting caught up

The world has nothing to offer. I think that many theorists in the sociological realm have come across this conclusion at some point or another, and who's to say that they have not stumbled across some truth? Karl Marx's theory of capitalism is probably the most close to the bible theory of the end times. 1 John claims the world and its desires pass away. Marx is almost always saying the same thing. There is an innate behavior to act human and in our westernized society today we lack humanness. Modernity. Marx said there are positives but modernity loses aspects of life that are real -an overarching negative. If you think about it, work becomes more important than family. Driving becomes more efficient than walking. Emailing is more efficient that writing. The list really does go on forever. So if we are in a society where modernity is inevitable and humanness is desired, how do we achieve simplicity? How do we achieve anything significant or tangible in this life? The end of that verse in 1 John says but the man who does the will of God will live forever. Grace be to my Lord and savior Jesus Christ who turns the old into new and renews a life. He who offers eternity in a world that is fading away.

faith in its realness

A simple google search reveals that faith is mentioned in the bible 422. It must be something of great importance. I believe the verse that resonates with most is "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
I was in a recent bible study which dove back into some faith basics. There were three basic principles that I have learned.

1. Just like one's attitude reflects his inner spiritual maturity, so does one's faith. The key is righteousness -the righteous shall live be faith. So first righteousness must be attained and then the acting of faith will follow.

2. All to many are nudged by God to do something for someone or something. At first we motivated by the desire honor God. Most of the time, God asks us to do something we don't want to do and almost always do we back out. Somewhere down the line things becomes difficult. Selfishness and worldly desires come back into the worldview and we are caught up between God's will and our own. Faith is continuing to push through all that and keep the mindset and view that God had originally set before us.

3. We have to expect that God will reward us in someway or another. Everything we do has a gift or treasure or harvest. We must believe that God will come through for us.

Lying to God

When God has called us in to the face of light, we are in. By saying we are in means we acknowledge the power of God. We have tasted and seen and known that it is good. I believe this is a foundation for a relationship with God -fellowship in the light as 1 John calls it. It is not just about living in the light but rather communing in the light. Just by changing the word commune implies that we are expected to reflect the light in our own lives. That is why John calls anyone who sins a liar in God's eyes. But Paul writes all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. So thanks be to the gracious and loving savior Jesus who died as an atonement for our sins. Through him we can live in a fellowship with true and living God.

almost done

I haven't been writing, but I should. A lot of has gone in and out of my life in the past 5 months. I am almost done with my second year of college. It was rough. I started fall term with a full load of science classes and miserably failed. I can't really remember anything from winter term except the process of changing my major. I am officially and Sociology major with an emphasis in community studies. This spring term has been filled with major and minor requirements. Oh yeah, it is very possible I will pull all of this off with a minor in Psychology. Summer is only one school day away. Where has the time gone. Is this what college is life is like? A speedy recovery between high school and real life? I am torn. Do I do what I want to do or do I do what society calls me to do? Do I contribute my small efforts to the world or do I focus on my future now? What is more important? I don't know, but writing makes me feel better. I am going to write more often.

an unexpected awakening

As I read what has been going in and around the city of Nairobi, I can't help but grieve for the family I have made. Places like Kibera where I once felt security are now filled with people who are frightened. It has become hard for me to sit and read the newspaper or to see pictures of Kibera slum where the millions of homes once stood are now reduced to a pile of rubble. People like Joseph and Teresa from KISCODEP are constantly on my mind. But, I have been finding comfort in their words and am beginning to see the confidence they have in God even through such a terrible time of political strife. Joseph wrote me saying:

I feel happy and released of stress from which I have suffered since this civil strife began for having heard your solidarity with us. May God Bless you. Imagine Rebecca I have not gone to bed since! Kibera is among the worst areas affected. People's houses and business premises have been looted reduced to ashes in a large scale. People and children are suffering and are hungry. No water food or shelter. The government is busy taking care of its own property excluding human lives. There are huge roadblocks and even Red Cross Society cannot penetrate to give any assistance.

Those who have money go to Supermarkets to buy large stocks of food to keep as we do not know when this turmoil will end.

Please continue praying for us.

Their words quiet me and humble my spirit to thank God for the wonderful blessings he has given to the United States of America. But, at the same time slowly rip my heart apart for a family of brothers and sisters that I long to be with.

One thing I am certain, the people of KISCODEP are continuously praising God for the things he has done, and that is something that everyone should learn how to do.

and life goes on....

Even after months from coming "home" from Africa, I still feel misplaced. Where is home? I find myself looking for some spiritual guidance as to where my life is supposed to be and where it is supposed to go. But, as I continue to get wrapped up in the American culture of school, fashion, and the desire to succeed, I only find myself continuously wandering into the unknown. Where is home? I have decided to commit my life to serving others. That is the only conclusion I have come to. I desire to be poor. I desire to find love in places where the ordinary American wouldn't even dare to search. I desire to make myself the least of these and be among those who are considered the least of these. I believe I will find Jesus in those places, and I believe I will find the real meaning of Christianity.

When I read the bible, one verse always sticks out to me in John. Jesus says "no one can get to father except through me." I want to get to the father so I have to go through Jesus. But how? THANKS to Jesus' time here on earth, I have a living example and a written documentary of his life. Actually 4 different documentaries. As I read and study Jesus, I find that he was in the places that no one else would be - hanging out with the hookers, gamblers, prisoners, and basically anyone whom society disassociated themselves with.

My greatest desire in life is to do that. I'm so held back and blinded by my own society of family and success. The "American Dream" still resonates in my life as I watch people grow, get a job, get married, live in house with a white-picket fence, have children, make a lot of money, grow old, and die. Part of me wants that too. God has called me to something different. Something I feel will make me live the humble life I desire to have. A life that will give me the things my heart desires and a life or service. I don't know how its going to happen and as a matter of fact, I myself am still confused about the whole thing. But, the nudging is stirring my heart to give everything up and trust him.

nyumbani

We woke up today and got ready to go to Nyumbani which is a center for HIV/AIDS orphans. I honestly thought the experience at the orphanage would be the same as any other experience we have had so far... but it really wasn't. It was completely different. These kids didn't have the choice to get HIV/AIDS. The orphanage ranged from a 6 month old baby to a 24 year old man. They have no where to go. Some of them were abandoned at birth and some of them we disowned when the started to become sick. BUT... YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL IF THESE KIDS ARE SICK! They are always so happy! I was touched. I always find myself getting attached to a number of kids. Today it was Nicholas, Anne, Anthony (the baby), Justin, and Ken. I'm sure I'm forgetting more but those are the only ones I can remember off hand. The director was telling me that most babies that come to the orphanage are HIV/AIDS negative! Why? Because these babies are not breastfead by a HIV/AIDS positive mother. Unbelievable! Yet, there are so many HIV?AIDS positive people. There are a lot of cultural issues and economic issues that play into it as well, but the fact is that HIV/AIDS could be significantly decreased if mothers had enough money to buy baby formula and if they could get past the cultural norm of breastfeeding. When Nyumbani first opened, there was no antiviral drug and every two weeks a child was dying. If you think beyond the borders of Nyumbani, you will come up with some outrageous and unimagniable number. The whole this is crazy. When we left, I couldn't help but not want to leave. I wanted to hold Anthony longer, and I wanted to play hide and go seek with Nicholas. I got on the bus and automatically broke down in tears. I stopped talked about it with Dorothy because I was too emotional. It actually ended up being worse for me to play my ipod. I listened to Hear, You, Me. If I ever decide to stay in Kenya again,
I wish devote a huge chunk of my time and love to the Nyumbani Children.

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
'thought I might get one more chance

What would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

So what would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

I'd sing to you just one more time
A song for a heart so big
God wouldn't let it live